Art & Fear

I flatter myself I'm not wholly chicken. I do think it takes a certain amount of bravery to be an artist of any sort. You have to be willing to expose yourself in all kinds of ways. I write things, sometimes, thinking oh, no. I shouldn't write that- people will think this character is me and that I'm a weirdo (not saying I ain't, but still, who wants that for their grand epitaph?). Or worrying that a piece of writing makes me look immature or conceited or obsessed. Or just exposes me as a crappy writer...

I look into Bayles and Orland's Art & Fear from time to time, when I forget what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. At the end of the day (read: at the end of my life) I can't guarantee that anything I will have written will be meaningful to anyone, so I might as well make sure it's meaningful to me. I'm making use of the vacuum, I guess. Usually, I accuse the vacuum of being guilty of giving me so much space that I lose the plot, quite literally. The upside is that I have enough space to decide, firmly, if I'm willing to stand behind a piece long before anybody else has seen it. Happy writing, Bloglodytes. Keep pecking away at those keyboards.

Sucking Eggs

I asked my teacher an unfair question. I asked her where I am in the continuum of writers. Ok, this was not a fair question, I know. They don't really know us, so they aren't going to be too blunt. Worst case scenario, they don't want all their prospective students commiting suicide. In reality, they don't see our faces, can't tell how hard we are taking criticism, and don't want to make us feel like shit. So I accept it that she sidestepped the question. But still. How do I get feedback? If you are a visual artist, you can publish a blog with pictures of your work and people will comment, and once you've deleted the trolls, you might even have some useful feedback. But for writers, once you published it on the internet, it's published. The houses may or may not refuse to touch it with a ten foot pole after that. I have read mixed opinions of whether or not publishing in a closed forum counts as publishing, but who wants to take chances? On the other hand, where does one go for an honest evaluation of their weaknesses, abilities, and progression (or lack thereof)?

So, maybe I suck eggs, maybe not, and what I want to know is, why can't I tell?

Anyway, this annoys me at the moment, but on the whole, life is good. Happy Pagan Reproduction Day, Bloglanders.

The Vacuum (not the hausfrau kind)

So, I'm trying to cheer myself the heck up here, and keep writing. I'm taking a break from PB texts to write a novel. Exactly what age group this novel will be for is a big unknown. Why? Because my characters keep mutating! This is really frustrating, but it happened with my PB characters too, though on a smaller scale. I feel like I'm writing from both ends. I write a bit of plot, then go back and hammer on my characters, then plot, then people... Eventually, after lots of frustration, the two meet in the middle and interlock, and then I can move forward.

Now, the vacuum. This process is made more difficult by the fact that I am writing in a vacuum. I am not sure if there are any other writers in this area (writing in english, that is), but if there are, I can't find them. I have been rather frustrated and disappointed with on-line critique groups.

I think I'll buy myself a new wardrobe and pretend I'm Kim Possible. I always wanted to be fictional.