The Vacuum (not the hausfrau kind)

So, I'm trying to cheer myself the heck up here, and keep writing. I'm taking a break from PB texts to write a novel. Exactly what age group this novel will be for is a big unknown. Why? Because my characters keep mutating! This is really frustrating, but it happened with my PB characters too, though on a smaller scale. I feel like I'm writing from both ends. I write a bit of plot, then go back and hammer on my characters, then plot, then people... Eventually, after lots of frustration, the two meet in the middle and interlock, and then I can move forward.

Now, the vacuum. This process is made more difficult by the fact that I am writing in a vacuum. I am not sure if there are any other writers in this area (writing in english, that is), but if there are, I can't find them. I have been rather frustrated and disappointed with on-line critique groups.

I think I'll buy myself a new wardrobe and pretend I'm Kim Possible. I always wanted to be fictional.

I'm on a Blog to Nowhere, Come on Along....

I don't know why I keep writing this blog; it's clear no one reads it. But I guess that's the way it is with writing. And creation in general. You make first, and worry about an audience later.

To be fair, the kids have been great. But I cannot seem to concentrate with them around. There is always the chance I will be interupted, and my brain knows that, and the interesting bits refuse to open their doors. On the other hand, I think if I keep waiting for the perfect moment, it's not going to happen.

So. I am spending my summer energy trying to teach the children many things I do not know, or have forgotten. Long division, playing harmonica, French, juggling, etc... How perverse is that?
My friend is away on holiday with her children. I miss her all the time, but I really miss her when she is gone for several weeks. She listens to me, and I need that. Without it I really start to doubt myself, and my worth. Can I write at all? should I just give it up? drawing, painting? Does it make any difference if I do these things or not? If I am the only one to whom it matters, am I worth the effort? I so need a well-placed kick in the pants.

I can hardly remember any words. I used to know loads of them, but they are failing me recently. Lines, shapes, babies. They belong to somebody else now.

So, it's summer holidays, and I have five weeks of making sure no one forgets their math, french, or german over the summer. Also, I should teach them some English. Ha ha ha...

We are going nowhere. I was supposed to be too pregnant to fly by now.